me, back in the day
I've been feeling a bit down since I came back from my weekend in Texas. It's nothing big - it's just overwhelming for me to be there, where every scene I see floods me with a memory and I inevitably don't have enough time to talk to and spend time with everyone special to me. Also it gets me thinking of the things I love about Texas, how much I miss nature, and quietness and solitude. The trade-off of course of living in a big city like New York is all the marvelous opportunities you have literally at your doorstep - all the art, all the culture, all the talented and inspiring people. I wish I could say I took advantage of those opportunities more...
And yet I still find myself longing sometimes for what is familiar, for what is quiet. For a taco and a margarita and for a drive down a nameless highway in a pickup truck:
taken by my dad, circa 1950's or 60's
I miss you, Texas. Now don't get me wrong, Texas - I don't miss you when some random guy on a bike (who looks like he's packing a knife) flicks us off while we're strolling down the Riverwalk, screaming "Don't you know about Right of Way?" I also do not miss you when trying to find a parking spot and huge pickup trucks the size of moving vans hem me in on every side. However, I do miss you when it's mid-March and all the flowers are blooming, especially the purple ones that droop in heavy clusters and smell like sweet grapes. When the air is so sweet and soft with blooming freshness and every breath reminds me of things I haven't done and inspires me with the hope that I will do those things, someday (and maybe soon). When I look at the faces of my family, and see written there, all the things I want to say and all the times I'll want to hug them this year, and cannot. That's when I miss you, Texas.
Thank you everyone, for your comments on my last weird things post - it was so sweet how many of you are also "fish rescuers" (or were inspired to start rescuing). Maybe I should put a few tips together about caring for bettas (keeping in mind I am by no means an expert)... More soon, and thanks for bearing with my glumness today.