Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Wardrobe Wednesday: what I wore
2 years ago today, I lost a friend - he was riding his bike to work in NY and was hit by a car. And when I say "friend" that doesn't get it right - he was a piece of my soul. Granted, time had passed, and the time that I knew him and was a daily part of his life had passed, too. Up above is one of the first pics I ever snapped, in my backyard on a dull winter day - it was a black and white dress I wore all the time in high school, when I knew him...
He was a kind person with a quick, dry wit that was full of sarcasm but never any meanness. He had these crinkly eyes, even as a kid, from a lifetime of making people laugh, and laughing himself. We were both skinny, scrawny kids with huge glasses when we first met in middle school and I demanded that he write me letters in the summers. I was pretty bossy and annoying, but he came through and I have a box at home filled with letters, to prove it. He told me that he crushed on me then, but I have a hard time believing it - I mean, look at me:
Dork city. As for myself, I was busy crushing on some popular dude with a side part who wore a lot of saggy Girbauds and Cavariccis. We went to different high schools and the next time I saw him, he'd grown a foot (literally) and all it took was one look at him and I forgot about every dumb crush I had going (at least 1000). We were inseparable, and at times it felt to me like we were the same person (only he was the much better half - I was the half that looked ok in a dress.)
Of course, what can I add, but the obvious - we didn't end up together forever, we parted ways in college. He was an adventurer and I was a stay at home, codgerish type that just wanted to study, watch movies, and read novels. We tried to stay friends, but in the era before Facebook, we drifted apart. The one thing I'll always be grateful to Facebook for is giving me the chance to get in contact with him again, share emails both serious and silly, and answer the really important unanswered questions like what his favorite Prince song was. :)
I think of him all the time - I guess the hardest part of his death was finding out after it happened - I was out of town for Labor Day, and came home to find condolences in my inbox. How could I have not felt him leave when he was such a part of me? I still see little traces of him everywhere - little echoes. His spirit remains - in everything silly, everything funny, everything full of adventure and daring and fully alive. I miss you old friend, but I know you're out there. I wish I'd been a better friend. I wish I'd been a better girlfriend. But thank you for loving me with all my faults, just the way I was.