Chemotherapy update #15-16

2 lovely birds, made last year, given to chemo friends

Well, I am done with chemo! My last chemo was 3 weeks ago, and I couldn't be happier. There are no words to describe how happy I felt when I rang the bell, waved goodbye, and went home. Pure joy.

SIDE EFFECTS ON PACLITAXEL
- Swelling hands and feet, weight gain - a combination of the chemo, steroid, and lack of activity, I think.
- Light brown hair! I've always had near-black hair - an interesting surprise.
- Mood swings - the worst ones hit about 1 week after chemo, then got steadily better.
- Brain fog - off and on, getting better.
- Bloody nose - finally disappeared 2 weeks after my last chemo.
- Fingernail / tonenail changes - still weird looking, but getting stronger.
- Small spot of possible neuropathy on the heel of one foot - it's a small spot, at least. So glad I iced my hands and feet for Paclitaxel - it made a difference!

At 2 weeks, I was feeling better on all fronts, but at 3 weeks I am feeling the most normal since I started! Finally I am able to sleep through the night without issues, drink caffeine without being super wired, and walk at a normal, unlabored pace.

What can I say, but that I am grateful. Grateful to God for preserving me in this long, arduous trial. Grateful to my husband, my family, my friends. And grateful to all of you who reached out to me or left a comment to encourage me. Thank you!!!

Chemotherapy update #11-14

Progress on my Piper Piping ornament for the 12 Months of Christmas Stitchalong on Feeling Stitchy

Here I am, 14 total treatments in (4 AC and 10 Paclitaxel), and I'm almost done with chemo! Yay! It's hard to describe all of the things that I'm feeling, as I near the end of this part of my treatment.

I still have so much more to go - breast reconstruction, removal of my port, and through it all the lingering questions - will the cancer come back again, and if so, when? Will I have time to enjoy a married life, have a child, and if so, for how long? Of course, these are not the questions my husband or family want to hear, so I put them here, with a small layer of anonymity to protect them and myself. But I am overall doing my best to remain hopeful about my good prognosis, while maintaining a base of realism.

Here's a few updates on the side effects I've felt while continuing on my weekly Paclitaxel treatments...

SIDE EFFECTS I'VE HAD ON PACLITAXEL

- Hair regrowth - after my eyebrows thinned to about 20%, they started growing back! Also, the hair on my head is coming back as very soft baby fuzz. Still no considerable hair regrowth anywhere else.
- Eyelashes falling out - still have most of my top lashes, but the bottom have almost completely fallen out.
- Crusty eyes on waking - maybe a symptom of sparse lashes + extra dry skin?
- Dark and white spots on fingernails.
- Extreme exhaustion, dizziness, loss of balance.
- Hot flashes - these are worst at night - one second I am cold, the next sweat is pouring down my head and I feel like I'm on fire - ugh.
- Vision changes - foggy vision, hard to focus.
- Hearing loss - I'm always having to ask everyone to repeat themselves.
- Chemo brain - forgetfulness, etc.
- Bloody nose - every time I blow my nose, there is blood on the tissue.
- Bleeding in my mouth - 1 small spot on my inner lip - no pain, just blood, keeping an eye on it.
- Very erratic sleep patterns - think I can blame this on the steroid.
- Mood swings - again, the steroid.
- No periods - only 1 very long period in 6 months, after I started Paclitaxel.

Positives of my chemo experience so far

- No serious life-threatening reactions so far - and I'm very grateful for that!
- Clear skin - no skin reactions (other than dry skin) and clear skin throughout - only 3-4 pimples in 6 months!
- Vivid memories of things that happened long ago - pretty sure this is chemo related.
- Strengthening of relationships with family and friends.
- Becoming that person that people feel comfortable telling their problems to.
- Wig fun. :)
- Caring less about the little crap, and even some of the big crap that doesn't matter in life.
- Slowing down and becoming aware of others around me who are also sick, struggling, and in need of encouragement.
- Becoming ever more aware that God is watching over my every step and sustaining me in all of this.

An important thing to remember is that in spite of the laundry list of symptoms above, I am thankfully still functioning, still able to work and do things for myself. There are good days and bad days, but overall I am getting through it.

I'm very fascinated by the vivid memories I've been having from the past, so I wanted to describe that more. At times, they are so vivid, I feel like they are happening in that instant - it's amazing. I had a really sweet memory of myself as a very small child, looking up with excitement at the Christmas turkey, and it just filled my heart with warmth and thanksgiving.

So, I am pulling through - thank you for your comments of encouragement, for all of you who read this, and all of you fighting this fight as well, may God be with you! <3

Chemotherapy update #6-10

I took a break from religiously cataloging my symptoms, because it got me down. But I still wanted to give you (and the future me) an overview of how I felt. :) This image seemed fitting to me, as it pretty aptly describes how I feel right now - it's the Maid-a-milking pattern I'm working on for the 12 Months of Christmas Stitchalong on Feeling Stitchy - she's pretty on the outside, but such hard work to put together, and many mornings I feel like this, sort of in pieces.

Carefully, I draw on my eyebrows, add some color to my face, cover my dark circles, put my long, pretty wig on, and dress carefully to hide my uneven left side after my mastectomy. This is all important, and this all makes me feel better when I interact with the world, but I am so good at what I do that often people don't know that I am sick or going through anything at all. And I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I would rather look better than I feel.

After a week break from the AC regimen, I started my weekly doses of Paclitaxel, of which I have had 5 so far. Here are the main things I've noticed.

Side effects I've had on Paclitaxel

- Eyebrows falling out
- Extreme constipation (I'll leave the details out, just trust me, it's gross) :)
- Exhaustion, weakness, dizziness
- Dehydration - I'm always thirsty, and want to drink liquids constantly
- Bone aches - minor, but there, and mainly first few days after chemo
- Fingernails flattening and nailbeds darkening, tingling in fingertips (before they reduced my dosage)
- Very dry skin

Things I've enjoyed about Paclitaxel

- More energy than on AC, but dizziness and exhaustion can hit at any time
- Able to eat more foods than on AC, still sensitive to spicy foods and coffee, but I can have a little
- No nausea
- Less chemo stink :)
- More energy to craft and be creative
- Slightly clearer head
- Less sinus issues

Day 1 - Chemo day - 5th treatment
I DID NOT enjoy the first treatment of Paclitaxel, as I was receiving it. I was given a heavy dose of Benadryl, which made me feel really sleepy and out of it. They put the cold mitts on my hands and feet to keep me from getting neuropathy in my fingers and toes. Having hands and feet so cold they ached for over an hour was pretty unpleasant.

I went home, slept for several hours, and woke up feeling much better. I was able to go back to work the day after chemo! The first week after I felt positively glorious, probably the combined effect of being off the AC for 1 week, and enjoying the lovely energy boost the steroids gave me.

Day 1 - Chemo day - 6th treatment
This time I wasn't given Benadryl. I was more alert and awake throughout the treatment, which I enjoyed. The cold mitts and booties were not very cold, which I thought was a good thing, but I felt more side effects after my treatment. Again, I felt very tired, fell asleep, and felt better. Again was able to go to work the day after chemo.

This week was very difficult - once the steroid wore off, I was so exhausted. Every time I tried to get out to the supermarket or to run errands, I felt I was dragging my feet to even lift them, and I often felt I was going to pass out. Also felt a lot of tingling in my fingernails, and could see the whites of them expanding, as if they were separating. They also seemed to flatten out and change shape, which was freaky, too. My fingertips look permanently pruney, as if I've just climbed out of a bathtub.

My eyebrows began falling out bit by bit. At my doctor's appointment I mentioned my extreme exhaustion and tingling in my fingers and she reduced my dosage a small amount, which made a big difference.

Day 1 - Chemo day - 7-10 treatments
After the dosage was reduced, I've felt pretty similar each time - exhausted right after chemo, then plenty of energy the day after. Second and third days after are pretty low energy, sometimes the fourth day after as well.

Overall, Paclitaxel has been easier than AC so far, but it's still hard. Looking forward to all of this being over soon!