Dreaming of green

Here I am again, I know it's been awhile, just wanted to say hello and share a few images I'm enjoying lately - mostly I love when I am attracted to the same colors, over and over, unconsciously, in this case lime green.

I've been doing well, post-chemo - a lot of mysterious aches and pains, but every time I Google them, they seem to be normal side effects of women post-chemo. So, I'm just trying to bear with it, and each day I do feel stronger. Had a lot of pain in my hands last month, I've never had arthritis, but I imagine that's what it feels like. This month it's my knee and the ball of my foot, I just joke that chemo left me (I hope temporarily) with the body of an 80 year old.

Aside from that, I am keeping inspired - taking Karen Barbe's class on Color Theory on Domestika, finishing my Final project for that class (in lime green, as you see above), also taking Lisa Congdon's Creative Boot Camp class on Creativebug, which is SO MUCH fun, and starting on my next Project a Month for Feeling Stitchy. I'll give you a hint what the dominant color is on that one... lime green! :)

Hope you all are keeping well and inspired this Spring!

Chemotherapy update #15-16

2 lovely birds, made last year, given to chemo friends

Well, I am done with chemo! My last chemo was 3 weeks ago, and I couldn't be happier. There are no words to describe how happy I felt when I rang the bell, waved goodbye, and went home. Pure joy.

SIDE EFFECTS ON PACLITAXEL
- Swelling hands and feet, weight gain - a combination of the chemo, steroid, and lack of activity, I think.
- Light brown hair! I've always had near-black hair - an interesting surprise.
- Mood swings - the worst ones hit about 1 week after chemo, then got steadily better.
- Brain fog - off and on, getting better.
- Bloody nose - finally disappeared 2 weeks after my last chemo.
- Fingernail / tonenail changes - still weird looking, but getting stronger.
- Small spot of possible neuropathy on the heel of one foot - it's a small spot, at least. So glad I iced my hands and feet for Paclitaxel - it made a difference!

At 2 weeks, I was feeling better on all fronts, but at 3 weeks I am feeling the most normal since I started! Finally I am able to sleep through the night without issues, drink caffeine without being super wired, and walk at a normal, unlabored pace.

What can I say, but that I am grateful. Grateful to God for preserving me in this long, arduous trial. Grateful to my husband, my family, my friends. And grateful to all of you who reached out to me or left a comment to encourage me. Thank you!!!

Chemotherapy update #6-10

I took a break from religiously cataloging my symptoms, because it got me down. But I still wanted to give you (and the future me) an overview of how I felt. :) This image seemed fitting to me, as it pretty aptly describes how I feel right now - it's the Maid-a-milking pattern I'm working on for the 12 Months of Christmas Stitchalong on Feeling Stitchy - she's pretty on the outside, but such hard work to put together, and many mornings I feel like this, sort of in pieces.

Carefully, I draw on my eyebrows, add some color to my face, cover my dark circles, put my long, pretty wig on, and dress carefully to hide my uneven left side after my mastectomy. This is all important, and this all makes me feel better when I interact with the world, but I am so good at what I do that often people don't know that I am sick or going through anything at all. And I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I would rather look better than I feel.

After a week break from the AC regimen, I started my weekly doses of Paclitaxel, of which I have had 5 so far. Here are the main things I've noticed.

Side effects I've had on Paclitaxel

- Eyebrows falling out
- Extreme constipation (I'll leave the details out, just trust me, it's gross) :)
- Exhaustion, weakness, dizziness
- Dehydration - I'm always thirsty, and want to drink liquids constantly
- Bone aches - minor, but there, and mainly first few days after chemo
- Fingernails flattening and nailbeds darkening, tingling in fingertips (before they reduced my dosage)
- Very dry skin

Things I've enjoyed about Paclitaxel

- More energy than on AC, but dizziness and exhaustion can hit at any time
- Able to eat more foods than on AC, still sensitive to spicy foods and coffee, but I can have a little
- No nausea
- Less chemo stink :)
- More energy to craft and be creative
- Slightly clearer head
- Less sinus issues

Day 1 - Chemo day - 5th treatment
I DID NOT enjoy the first treatment of Paclitaxel, as I was receiving it. I was given a heavy dose of Benadryl, which made me feel really sleepy and out of it. They put the cold mitts on my hands and feet to keep me from getting neuropathy in my fingers and toes. Having hands and feet so cold they ached for over an hour was pretty unpleasant.

I went home, slept for several hours, and woke up feeling much better. I was able to go back to work the day after chemo! The first week after I felt positively glorious, probably the combined effect of being off the AC for 1 week, and enjoying the lovely energy boost the steroids gave me.

Day 1 - Chemo day - 6th treatment
This time I wasn't given Benadryl. I was more alert and awake throughout the treatment, which I enjoyed. The cold mitts and booties were not very cold, which I thought was a good thing, but I felt more side effects after my treatment. Again, I felt very tired, fell asleep, and felt better. Again was able to go to work the day after chemo.

This week was very difficult - once the steroid wore off, I was so exhausted. Every time I tried to get out to the supermarket or to run errands, I felt I was dragging my feet to even lift them, and I often felt I was going to pass out. Also felt a lot of tingling in my fingernails, and could see the whites of them expanding, as if they were separating. They also seemed to flatten out and change shape, which was freaky, too. My fingertips look permanently pruney, as if I've just climbed out of a bathtub.

My eyebrows began falling out bit by bit. At my doctor's appointment I mentioned my extreme exhaustion and tingling in my fingers and she reduced my dosage a small amount, which made a big difference.

Day 1 - Chemo day - 7-10 treatments
After the dosage was reduced, I've felt pretty similar each time - exhausted right after chemo, then plenty of energy the day after. Second and third days after are pretty low energy, sometimes the fourth day after as well.

Overall, Paclitaxel has been easier than AC so far, but it's still hard. Looking forward to all of this being over soon!

Chemotherapy update #3-4

Here were my experiences after doing my second Chemotherapy treatment- this was the third and fourth of 4 doses of AC, every other week, after which I will do 12 weekly treatments of Taxol.

Day 1 - Chemo day - 3rd treatment
This chemo hit me really hard - I think it's because I forgot to load up on lots of water the night before, and take a mug of water with me. Instead, I'd been drinking a lot of tea, and had tea with me. I won't make that mistake again.

The last dose they gave me - of Cytoxan was pretty uncomfortable. Really felt it very strongly in my nose and neck and sinuses. Typically it goes away as soon as I leave, but not this time. My nose and sinuses were very irritated for days after. I also felt a stinging sensation at my port as we drove home. Felt very tired and cruddy all evening.

Day 2
Had an ok appetite in the morning. Took a Claritin right before the Neulasta shot. Felt tired mainly. Aches and pains started that night, along with a little trouble swallowing. Took an Aleve, which seemed to help a little.

Day 3
Saying that I feel less cruddy - well I still feel cruddy, right? It's hard to appreciate feeling less like crap, when you still feel like crap. :) I think the bone pain and aches were definitely less, but it was still uncomfortable and really a drag. So, even though I felt better, I still didn't feel well enough to do more than sit on the couch, which was frustrating. Took an ibuprofen, and the Claritin, which helped somewhat.

Day 4
Still very tired and a little sore - mornings are the toughest, and I feel better later on. The sinus issues stuck around, going through boxes of tissues. Took a short walk in the evening. Heat really affects me, as does bright sunlight - starting to feel like a vampire. :)

Day 5
Tired and dizzy. Find myself fantasizing about my favorite foods, but at the same time, don't feel like I can eat them. It's a weird feeling.

Day 6
Tired and dizzy, was finally able to get back to work. A lot more sensitive to strong smells - I had to throw out my bathroom soap bar because it was really bothering my nose and making me feel sick. I loved that smell before, too!

Day 7 and on
Recovered bit by bit - what I learned is that it always took my body a full week after chemo to begin to feel normal again. Not completely normal, but better.


Day 1 - Chemo day - 4th treatment
Loaded up on water the night before and I indeed felt much better throughout chemo, and immediately after. Had good energy and appetite that day.

Day 2 and on
Yes, I gave up on chronicling the every day aches and pains - but I experienced nothing new - just the same gripes, at different times. Soreness and pain from the Neulasta shot for an entire 24 hours afterward, as well as dizziness, nausea, severe acid reflux, throat pain, and exhaustion. Again, I felt that my body never really went back to normal until 1 week after my AC chemo treatment. Also, my period showed up almost a month late, but at least I had one, I guess.

Now that I have experienced the Taxol treatments, I feel like they are also difficult, but there are far fewer side effects than the AC. If you are on AC, or someone close to you is, just be patient, it will be over soon, and you will feel better when it is!

Chemotherapy update - Wigs!

Here's another post I hope will be helpful if you or someone you know is losing their hair. I knew nothing about wigs and hair loss before this, so here is what I've learned so far!

I did a lot of online research about the hair loss process, so I would know what to expect. It really helped me to have a plan - I did my wig shopping in advance, knowing that when I was on chemo, I wouldn't have the energy or emotional stability to get through it.

Haircut and Hair Buzz
First, I cut my hair into a cute, short bob - I knew my hair would fall out, but there would be less of it to fall out. 2 weeks after my first treatment, it started falling out in handfuls, so I took the plunge and got it shaved off. I had no idea what to ask for, so, I asked for the shortest setting on the clippers, which is a 1. I didn't want to look like Mr. Clean just yet. :)

   

It is hard to look into the mirror and see a shaved head, but I was a lot less emotional than I thought I would be. I won't be winning any beauty awards, but it looked a lot less terrible than I thought it would. I kind of felt like Ripley in glasses. And my head was a lot less lumpy and awkward than I had imagined. Ugh, but all those spiky little hairs as they fall out and poke me in the head are a real pain!

Wig Shopping
My goal was to have at least 1 moderately priced, good-quality wig, and a bunch of other cheap fun wigs for running to the store, going out, etc.

After a lot of research on Youtube, I settled on a cute side parted bob by Estetica called Jamison:

Jamison retails around $216, but many online stores have good sales that could put it in the $150 range. After wearing this wig for several days, I do think it is a nice quality wig that looks very realistic. It is very light and pretty comfortable, even for people with large heads like myself. The permatease in the scalp is pretty scratchy, but the bonus is you get more body in your hair if you want it. You can also manipulate the part a bit and the mesh / lace makes the scalp area look very real. Everyone who has seen this wig says it looks like real hair. I had some quality issues with the wig I received and had to exchange it, you can read more about that farther down.

Color Issues
Color is a challenge - because all you have is this one small photo of someone with a hair color not even remotely like yours. Being Hispanic, there is a real lack of models who look like me, so I really have to use my imagination and go out on a limb when ordering.

The first color I ordered, R4-6, looked like my hair color in the tiny thumbnail:
 
But when I received the wig and tried it on it just wasn't right - it was way too brown, and kind of a golden brown, that doesn't really show in the thumbnail. Again, I think this reveals a limitation for Hispanic, and Asian wig shoppers - there aren't a lot of colors with the right tone for us.

On my second try, I ordered R2-4, and that was a better match, but still a lot more brown than it appeared in the thumbnail:

But seriously guys, look at those tiny thumbnails - do they not look the same to you?

My best advice is to go into an actual wig store and try on to find the right shade. But in my experience the saleslady refused to give out style numbers and colors, assuming I would order it online. That was really off putting because I would happily order in person, and pay more if I had a good experience with her.

Ordering Wigs Online- Exchanges, Ugh
Exchange policies - do your research! The Jamison wig arrived with damage I could not see, but since it was shipped directly from the wig manufacturer Estetica, I have no way to prove it was damaged by them and not me. When I sent it back to the store they saw the damage and assumed I was responsible. I have been going back and forth with the store for 3 weeks - they are charging me for 2 wigs, even though I only have one. The customer service people have been very unsympathetic, even though I told them I was a first time wig buyer and a cancer patient on chemo with a limited budget.

So my advice is do your research on the store return policies and ask as many questions as possible upfront. I think I could have saved myself a lot of time and money that way. Based on my experience I would not recommend the store I purchased from, I don't even want to name them, but I'll let you know when I have a better experience.

Inexpensive Wigs
I found a great local wig shop with really affordable prices and the best part was that all the wigs were in the middle of the store and I could just put on a wig cap and try on every single one! I highly recommend visiting a local wig store like this because you really can't tell from a photo if a wig will look good on you or not. It's a great way to find which styles work for you.

My favorite inexpensive wigs so far are Bobbi Boss wigs:

Bobbi Boss Jesse wig - Color 4

Bobbi Boss has full price wigs in the $50-$60 range, but you can usually find them on sale for $25 and less. Their color options are a much better match for me, they do have lighter colors but their strength is dark colors.

I had a great experience ordering from Ebonyline.com. They had a good sale going, and with their $4.99 Flat rate shipping, I ordered my wigs on a Sunday night and had them by Thursday. They also had the lowest prices compared to other stores I saw.

So that's my experience with wigs so far. Do you have any good wig recommendations? Please leave a comment and let me know, or ask me any questions you might have!